“I just want to be myself.”
“I don’t want to change to suit other people.”
“I only want women and other people to love me for who I am.”
This is hardly a new concept, but I have to re-state the most common of all fallacies (I call these phallus-ies) regarding the myth of “being yourself.” I’m relating this to men’s search for a woman, but it also applies to all relationships in the Alpha Man’s life.
You are not being yourself when you insist that it’s more natural to act wimpy than be an Alpha Man.
In other words, most men cop out to the “I don’t want to have to do X, Y, and Z to get a woman interested,” and then they’ll act self-righteous about how much better they are for not “playing all those games.”
What it amounts to is BULLSHIT.
Hey, I used to say the same thing. I used to believe that Damn it, I’m going to just be myself and not have to do all these lines and magic tricks, and women will want me for who I am. I’m here to tell you that a woman does not want you for who you are, but who she imagines you can be for her.
A woman does not love the man, but she loves the man that makes her feel that she is special and unique. You see, your friends do not want you solely for the person you are but the enjoyment that you bring into their lives.
I know it sounds terribly selfish, but it’s always true. You’re the same way. When a person becomes more of a pain than a pleasure, you avoid them. We’re driven by selfish needs. Let me say it one more time, simply: People only love you for how you make them feel.
No one is loved based strictly on their own value, but the value they transfuse to others. They are loved for the feelings they instil in the people around them. It’s a common mistake to believe that you can just open your kimono and - “Tada!
Love me, ladies, for THIS is who I am!” This leads to bitterness, especially when people don’t give you back what you think you’re entitled to get for being this really “great” person.
So you must learn how to be true to yourself, but selectively present those parts of you that make other people feel good about themselves.
Sound complicated?
It’s not.
I recently took an online test that determines my particular dating profile. You know, they go through all the parts of your disposition, your sexual tastes, your introversion/extroversion, etc. to find out who would be a good match for you. I thought it might be another one of those lame tests dreamed up by a relationship “expert,” but it actually turned out to be fairly insightful. The most important part I got out of it, though, was that this test reflected that I was compatible with about 90% of what women want in relationship qualities.
Now, we all know that what women say they want and what they actually respond to are often different things, but how’s this for an assumption: If I am what they say they want, then why not also demonstrate the attraction qualities they need and win from both sides? After all, why don’t those “90% of all women” just beat down my door to get with me, especially if I am what they say they want?
That’s what all these skills and techniques are here for, gentlemen. Because the real problem in dating and seduction isn’t that we men aren’t good enough for them in any real way. The problem is getting past the behavioural barriers they put up so that we can get them to see how great we can be for them. It’s the necessary mating dance, and it’s a game that must be played. Women screen us out because we represent a disruption - we introduce chaos and change into their orderly lives. Unless we present them with enough pleasure to warrant it, they would rather avoid the pain we represent. (More about this delicate relationship of pain/pleasure later.) This may seem like a debate over weird philosophical details, but it’s not. These skills you must learn do not change you in any way for the worse, as long as the person you are is not bad to begin with. That’s the beauty of adding them to your reserve of seduction abilities.
So let’s get off the high horse of “I just want to be me” and understand that growth entails letting go of those parts of you that are not serving you, as well as adding NEW parts that will get you what you want.
Don’t defend your ego – sculpt it. Being self-righteous about “just being you” is another way of saying, “I’m okay with losing a little bit longer so that I don’t have to change.” It’s a cop-out, and not even a good one at that. Stay entrenched in the same old lame belief system, and you will get exactly what you deserve.
And I also don’t buy the line of “If I get laid less, so be it.” (It’s a rationalisation for self-imposed celibacy.) We all want more sex. Even women want more sex. Every man who thinks he’s making some great statement of honour by pretending he’s got integrity for not “changing” is lying to himself. He’s just trying to make himself feel better about not having to go through the pain of growth and change. Thinking you’re noble for not changing is really just stubbornness.
Emerson said it best: A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Here’s a thought: Why not do more good to the world by giving women what they want, get more of what you want, and let go of the need to serve your own self-image?
That seems to me to be a win-win.
No one will ever remember you after you’re dead for the hobbies you had, or your other winning characteristics - only what you did for other people. Look at every memorable person that is celebrated through history and you’ll see this is what the ultimate value of a man is. Stop putting so much effort behind not changing. Only the insecure refuse to change.
Dating Guide Online EXERCISE: Get out a sheet of lined paper. List down the left hand side all of your positive qualities. On the right side list all the areas you need to work on. Be honest here. This is where you can show real virtue by honestly appraising your strengths and weaknesses.
On the back of the page, I want you to write a paragraph that describes who you think you are as a person. Detail all the parts of your personality that shows who you are. Everything you can come up with, including:
* Age
* Appearance
* Personality
* Hobbies/Interests
* Current lifestyle
* Future goals
This list should essentially be all the reasons a woman would want to be with you. Now, if you can’t come up with anything, you’re going to have to work at this much harder. Everyone has plenty of positive traits that a woman would want. It’s your job to dig them up, polish them up, and find the best way to put them in your store window so that she can find what you’re selling. If you keep this stuff hidden in the basement, you’ll never get any business.
You should also keep an eye out for things that may not be attractive to other women, or even most men for that matter. I used to play Dungeons and Dragons as a kid, and I even listened to disco music, but those aren’t the traits women are going to find very attractive, so they stay in the cellar.
Keep your list handy, because it will come in handy later in this guide, as well as in your own personal development plan.
